"Healing" by Yesenia Alegria

"Healing is something that many of us pray for or wish we had. We’ve asked ourselves what would it feel like if he/she didn’t hurt me? How would my life be different if they would have never cheated? How would I be different? What would it feel like if my father/mother would have stayed or cared? How would my life be different if I wasn't raped or molested? (I wasn’t just using this as an example) Healing doesn't happen from one night to another. (Trust me)

Healing takes time, strength, and sometimes even hitting rock bottom to finally realize that your past is your past. That your past made you who you are today. That your mistakes don’t define you. What I have noticed is that we as humans jump into something we’re not ready for just to fill the hurt, the void, and what we think we need at that moment instead of actually sitting back, thinking, and truly healing from what broke us. It took me more than 10 years to heal from my father leaving, a failed marriage, and an extremely toxic relationship. I had to hit rock bottom to let go of all the pain, the hurt, the lies, the betrayal, and the abuse.

However, I did heal and if I healed so can you! The day I realized that I had healed was the day I found out who my ex’s new girlfriend was, (that day I cried not because I was sad but because I was happy that I felt nothing anymore), the days where he would write to me and I no longer wanted to argue with him even though he was throwing nothing but negative words, the days my father would call and I actually felt sorry for him and not angry at him, the days where I was able to talk to my ex-husband and saw him as a friend. (You guys have no idea how much I prayed for God to help me forget everything and heal my heart.)

I had to be mentally strong, pray, communicate whenever I was feeling down or felt worthless, surround myself with family, positive people, people who saw my worth, and let me tell you it helped a lot. Healing doesn't mean you forget what happened to you because you could never do that but it means that all that hurt can no longer haunt or torment you anymore. That hurt you use to help other people who may be in your same situation. That hurt you survived makes you a better person, a better friend, a better partner, a better parent, a better family member.

So next time you go through something that feels like your whole world is falling apart ask yourself what's the purpose for this, ask God to give you guidance, or if you don't believe in God talk to someone, vent, but don't stay quiet. I know why I went through everything I went through and I don't regret any of it. I finally grew up! We all make mistakes but what counts is that those mistakes are never repeated. That you learned from those mistakes. Never settle for less because you feel lonely, because you feel hurt, because you want to try to fill a void. HEAL! Give yourself time. Take care of yourself and your heart. You are worth so much and there are so many people that love you and believe in you. Stop going to people or material things to try to heal you because trust me it doesn't work. Stop falling into the SAME toxic cycle. Have hope that you will heal and work on yourself. Don't give up! Love you guys!"



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