"So I met this man at work about 8 months ago. We slowly started flirting with each other, then just got to the point that we started to mess around about 4 months ago.
Well, around this time I found out that he was married. He told me in the beginning that he had a girlfriend that he's been on and off with but was planning to leave her for good. It bothered me when I found out that he was married so I decided to stop talking to him like that.
But after about a month, I really started to miss the attention he was giving me, especially since I've been single for so long. We started to mess around again because he said everything was still true, except that the girlfriend was actually his wife. They haven't had sex in months and he thinks she's probably out there messing around too.
Now I’m crazy in love with him. He tells me he loves me too. I have no problem waiting for him if he is actually going to leave his wife. I don’t like being the side woman, and of course it’s not fair to his wife. Is there a way to know for sure that he for sure is going to leave his wife? I don’t want to be waiting around like an idiot if it’s never going to happen. Is there a way to get him to speed up the process? Love makes you take some risks, so don't judge or bash me if you've never been in my position."
First, I must say it’s a shitty thing to date someone who you know is already in a relationship, especially one who is married. The moment you found out he was in an on-and-off relationship with someone is the moment you should have told him to fuck off.
Second, if he will cheat with you, I believe he will eventually cheat on you. He’s already shown you how little he values relationships. The guy has no morals. He doesn’t care about the feelings of others, only that he gets what he wants. Any good man would leave a relationship before getting into another one.
And even if he does leave her completely for you, he is never going to respect you, and you will never be able to trust him. Why? Because the moment he exhibits even the slightest shady behavior, you’re going to jump to the conclusion that he is cheating, because that’s what he did to her with you. Your relationship will have no trust, no respect, no honestly, no nothing.
This guy is not going to leave his wife and you shouldn't wait around even if he really were going to. He just wants you around as a side piece, and he's going to tell you whatever you want to hear so that he continues to have access to you. So, of course, he's going to speak negatively about her.
It never ends well for the other woman (in this case, you), and if the wife does find out it, she can make your life hell. And you can forget about him coming to your defense. He's going to focus on protecting himself, make himself the victim, and tell whatever lies he has to to do that.
I think your feelings for this guy aren't genuine, meaning you're not "crazy in love with him." I think the attention he's giving you and the thought of what you think your life would be with this guy is what's making you think that. Also, the fact that you've been single for so long has amplified that. So, I seriously recommend you think about what's really going on here and be honest with yourself.