Updated: Apr 13
You ever start dating someone and think to yourself, “Damn, I really like this person. I really, really like this person. I don’t know how the fuck this happened, but I’m liking it.”
Then slowly or maybe even suddenly this person starts doing things that sort of makes you pause and think, “Wait, what the hell is going on? You’re acting differently. I’m not getting a good vibe from you anymore. I’m having this gut feeling that something is wrong.” Yeah, I been there too. It sucks. It really sucks.
Usually a bad vibe or a gut feeling is triggered by something they did or are doing. These feelings rarely ever pop up unless there is something your partner is doing that’s not good for your relationship, something that is shady.
And many times, we can’t pinpoint exactly what that is either because we are too focused on the good things about the relationship or we just decide to ignore the shady stuff because we don’t to face the reality that something is wrong. So, in saying this, below are some clear signs that your partner or the person you’re dating no longer cares about the relationship nor you, unfortunately.
You become the initiator of almost all conversations.
You become the person who is almost always the first one to call, the first one to text. Unless you were some crazy, obsessed person texting and calling them every 10 minutes, then this is a clear red flag that the feelings are no longer mutual.
When someone is interested in you, if they are not calling or seeing you often, they will at least text you sporadically – once every few hours throughout the day – even if they’re not a fan of texting.
One of the best indicators that someone is interested is when you're getting simple random texts from them, not just texts when there's something to talk about. From "How was your day today?" to "Weather is really nice today." Or even texts that contain only an emoji. You know what I'm talking about. These texts are not great simply because of their content, they are great because they communicate, "I'm thinking about you."
When your partner is really interested in you, they would be curious about your life and what you are doing. Not reaching out to you is their way of saying, “I don’t really care what you are doing. You are not important to me.” You could suddenly die or get kidnapped and they probably wouldn’t care what happened to you until your picture showed up on the news.
Remember, the less someone you’re dating texts and calls you when you know they’re free and able to, the higher the chances are that they’re out there texting and calling others.
They aren’t enthusiastic about hanging out with you
When we really like someone, we want to see them often. As such, we want the dates to continue. We don’t want to go several days without knowing when we will see the person we like again. If you guys have gone out at least a couple times and they haven’t suggested you go out again even after you’ve expressed interest in doing so, then they’re probably not that interested.
What if they ask you out about a week or more later? Does it mean they’re still interested? It’s unlikely. Chances are they’re just bored, lonely, or horny. They might also be juggling several others at the same time and none of them is free to see them.
Bottom line, when someone is really interested in you after you’ve been out at least a couple times, they won’t have you guessing, stressing, for weeks about when they want to see you again. They will make their intentions clear.
Tip: If they invite you to an event, pay close attention to the words they use. Do they say something like, “You can come if you want,” or, “Do you want to go with me?” If so, these words convey more of an obligation to ask than a desire.
Think about it, if they wanted their best friend to go to an event with them, would they really say, “Umm, you can come if you want.” Hell na! They would say something like, “You should go with me,” or, “Come on, go with me.” If they are really interested in you, they will say something like, “I’ll love for you to come,” or, “It would be better if you went with me, though.” Otherwise, don’t go, because you’ll only look desperate for going.
They no longer commit to the near future
Just because someone is with you does not necessarily mean they see or want a future with you. Some people just want to get laid (especially guys), so there are people who will get into a relationship (or pretend to) simply to have it on a regular basis. They get with you in order to always have access to you.
So, if someone really wants a future with you, if someone is still interested in you, and not just with you to have sex with you, they’ll be including you in near future events. Buying tickets to a concert next month or inviting you to a friend's birthday party is their way of telling you they want to keep you around.
You can test the waters and ask them if they want to go with you to upcoming events. If they can’t commit to something a month or so out, they’re probably thinking this isn’t going to last. Or, they don't want to go in public and make it more than it is.
And after a year or so of being together, there should be talks of moving in together, kids together, marriage, something that puts you two together 5+ years from now. If they never bring it up or dismiss it every time you do, then they’re likely just with you for convenience and will leave you once someone "better" comes along.