Purpose of the First Date

If you’re looking for a serious relationship and not just to get laid, then the purpose of dating should be to assess compatibility and determine whether you and your date share enough common ground to pursue a serious relationship. For that reason, a lot of the advice you see and hear about first dates ("Keep it light." "Don't talk about anything controversial." "Stick to safe subjects") is actually terrible, terrible advice. You should dress appropriately and start off with polite small talk, but your purpose is not really to impress your date nor persuade nor convince your date. Your purpose should be to check whether you're compatible. If that is not your focus, then you run a real risk of ending up in a relationship with the wrong person.


You need to talk about stuff that actually matters, things that are important to you. Your interests, your hobbies, your desires, your opinions on world events, your personal philosophy. You need to be real. Do not be ashamed. Talk about what your dreams are. Talk about what your life is like now and what you still want your life to be. Talk about what you cannot live without. Talk about what you cannot live without. And listen when your date does the same. You're not trying to close a deal. You're saying, "This is who I am. This is who you are. Let's see if we match."


Note, if your date doesn't really want to talk about these things, then that's a good indication that he's not really interested in you and what you really want. He's just interested in what you have.


Couple other things:


If he's interested in you, he's not going to be worried about who is walking in the door. He'll be making eye contact, engaging in conversation and trying to make you laugh.


If he opens the car door for you, do not read too much into it. It's usually either because you're a new girl or it's a new car. Same applies to the cleanliness of his car.

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